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Treatment of children in Germany

18. Dezember 2012 um 0:36

Hi all.

My name is Olga, I'm 29 years old. I'm from Russia, I live a few months in Germany. Unfortunately, I almost don't speak German and write here in English.

I was pleasantly surprised by the treatment of children in Germany. For few months I don`t see aggression towards children, shouting, beating children - on the streets, playgrounds, shops, swimming pools etc. Everywhere I see the good and respectful attitude to children. I pay a lot of attention to it, because in Russia children are treated differently. In Russia, you can often see child abuse, even in public spaces. Shouts, reproaches, rude comments, they are treated as second-class people. And for everybody this behavior is the norm. But for me it is not.

I am a psychologist. One of my interests is the relationship between parents and children. I would be interested to know you about the relationship of parents and children in Germany.

I would be grateful if you answer my questions if you have a child or children.
I want to publish in my blog the answers (anonymously of course), so Russian parents can read and learn that not everybody in the world behave as they do.

Did you ever beat your child , at least a little? What were the reasons for the beating?
Did you see other German parents beating their children?
Did you you punish the child somehow? When it behaves badly, do you forbid it to play computer games, or to eat sweets or have fun somehow? May be you dont let them go out with their friends as a punishment? In which cases do you act that way?

How do you act if your child gets bad grades at school or doesn't want to learn?
Do you ask the child to do homework?
Do your children have their own room? Is the door to their room usually opened, or you let it be closed? If you want to enter, do you just enter or you ask the hild`s permission?
If there are conflicts at school between the child and teachers, how do you solve them? When teachers make reprimands to your child, do you think they are mostly justified? Are you usually on the side of the teacher or of the child?


Do you let your child buy foods that he likes or do you usually choose products for your child yourself?

Do you let your child buy clothes that he likes or you usually buy child`s clothes yourself?

Who cleans the child's room- you or your child? Do you let him do not to clean his room when he doesnt want to clean it?
You ask the child to do homework?

Do you tell your child about sex? At what age? What do you advise him to have sex using contraception or to abstain from sex for as long as possible?

If your child is having sex with his girl-friend or boy-friend in their own room - how do you feel about it? Do you allow it or do you forbid?

You can answer in German if you want - my friends can translate me the answers.

Mehr lesen

18. Dezember 2012 um 12:42

Übersetzung Fragen zur Kindererziehung
(Übersetzung, teilweise in Zusammenfassung).

Olga ist eine Psychologin aus Russland, die gerade ein paar Monate in Deutschland lebt, allerdings kaum deutsch spricht. Die weiter unten stehenden Fragen, die sie hat, könnt Ihr auf deutsch oder englisch beantworten.

Olga macht uns Deutschen erst einmal Komplimente über unseren Umgang mit Kindern. Überall sehe sie eine gute und respektvolle Behandlung der Kinder (kein Anschreien oder Schlagen von Kindern, keine Beschimpfungen etc.). In Russland sei dies ganz anders.

Sie bittet um Beantwortung folgender Fragen. Sie möchte die anonymisierten Antworten in ihrem Blog veröffentlichen, um ihren russischen Mitbürgern zu zeigen, dass man Kinder auch anders erziehen kann.

Hier die Fragen:

Habt Ihr schon mal Euer Kind geschlagen, auch nur ein bisschen? Was war der Grund dafür?

Habt Ihr schon andere Deutsche gesehen, die ihr Kind geschlagen haben?

Habt Ihr Euer Kind schon einmal bestraft?

Wenn es sich schlecht benimmt, verbietet Ihr ihm Computerspiele oder Süßigkeiten oder sonstwie Spaß zu haben? Lasst Ihr Sie nicht mit Ihren Freunden ausgehen als Bestrafung? In welchen Fällen handelt Ihr so?

Wie handelt Ihr wenn Euer Kind schlechte Schulnoten bekommt und nicht lernen will?

Bittet Ihr Euer Kind seine Hausarbeiten zu machen?

Haben Euer Kind ein eigenes Zimmer? Ist die Tür zum Zimmer normalerweise offen oder erlaubt Ihr auch, dass sie geschlossen ist? Wenn Ihr hineingeht, geht Ihr einfach hinein oder bittet Ihr das Kind um Erlaubnis?

Wenn in der Schule Konflikte zwischen Eurem Kind und Lehrern auftreten, wie löst Ihr diese?

Wenn Lehrer Eure Kinder maßregeln / tadeln, glaubt Ihr, dass diese zum Großteil gerechtfertigt sind? Seid Ihr normalerweise auf der Seite der Lehrer oder der des Kindes?

Lasst Ihr Euer Kind Lebensmittel kaufen, dass es mag, oder wählt Ihr üblicherweise die Produkte für Euer Kind selbst aus?

Lasst Ihr Euer Kind Kleidung kaufen die es mag, oder kauft Ihr üblicherweise die Kinderkleidung selbst?

Wer räumt das Kinderzimmer auf Ihr oder Euer Kind? Lässt Du es zu, dass es sein Zimmer nicht aufräumt, wenn es das nicht möchte?

Klärt Ihr Eure Kinder über Sex auf? In welchem Alter? Was ratet Ihr ihm: Sex mit Verhütung zu haben oder so lange wie möglich enthaltsam zu sein?

Wenn Eurer Kind Sex mit seinem Freund / seiner Freundin in seinem eigenen Zimmer hat wie denkt Ihr darüber? Erlaubt Ihr das oder verbietet ihr es?

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18. Dezember 2012 um 12:43

@ Olga
Translated your text into German.

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20. Dezember 2012 um 20:20

Answers
My kids are 3 and 7, so some of the questions don`t make much sense for them right now.

Did you ever beat your child , at least a little? What were the reasons for the beating?

No. But sometimes you have to become a bit "rude". F.e. if my 3 year old son tries to hit me, I have to hold him that he can`t or push him back. But that is self defense and does not include beating.

Did you see other German parents beating their children?

No. But we live in a better neighborhood - it might be different in other places.

Did you you punish the child somehow? When it behaves badly, do you forbid it to play computer games, or to eat sweets or have fun somehow? May be you dont let them go out with their friends as a punishment? In which cases do you act that way?

The usual thing we do when our children misbehave (yelling at each other or at us, beating each others etc.) - we just send them to their room for some minutes. Usually that helps very good for them to calm down. No idea what we do when they become older.

How do you act if your child gets bad grades at school or doesn't want to learn?

Our daughter is 7, 2nd grade - no problems with that.

Do you ask the child to do homework?

Yes, and we controll it. When they get older they will be responsible on their own.


Do your children have their own room? Is the door to their room usually opened, or you let it be closed? If you want to enter, do you just enter or you ask the hild`s permission?

They have their own rooms. They can close their doors anytime they want. If I go in I usually knock and enter. When they become bigger I will wait for their okay to enter (unless I need to go in there right now because they are smoking pot or something ).

If there are conflicts at school between the child and teachers, how do you solve them? When teachers make reprimands to your child, do you think they are mostly justified? Are you usually on the side of the teacher or of the child?

No problems with that till now. As a parent you will always be on the side of your children! But that does not mean that the teachers are not right.


Do you let your child buy foods that he likes or do you usually choose products for your child yourself?

Till now this is no big problem. Usually we decide. If the children want to eat something special, we will usually buy it to them (except sweets etc.)

Do you let your child buy clothes that he likes or you usually buy child`s clothes yourself?

Till now we buy their clothes. When they will become older, we will see about that. A friend had a very clever method: She gave her daughter a special sum every month for clothing only. If the daughter really wanted to have special clothes she would have to save money for some time. That worked very good and we will do it probably the same.

Who cleans the child's room- you or your child? Do you let him do not to clean his room when he doesnt want to clean it?

Usually we ask them to (order it, when they don want to) and we do it together. Our daughter loves to clean her room When they will become older it is their problem unless it becomes too yucky

Do you tell your child about sex? At what age? What do you advise him to have sex using contraception or to abstain from sex for as long as possible?

Not our problem till now. When they will start asking questions we will answer that in a way they understand. Later on they will have sexual education anyway in school.
We will tell them to wait for sex till they are older and let them use contraceptives when they have boy/girlfriend.


If your child is having sex with his girl-friend or boy-friend in their own room - how do you feel about it? Do you allow it or do you forbid?

I doubt that children do that when the parents are around. Well, we would have to accept that. Better they do it where we know where they are then someplace else. After all: sex is something nice, isn`t it?

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